Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Which NBA Local Actress are you?

At some point of our lives, We compared ourselves to Celebrities, Ballers, Rockstars and even to the Sweaty,Ugly guy you have a rivalry with your office crush and feel better about ourselves. This can be the analogy you can center on the profile built around the person's tendencies. It's the easiest way to personify someone's skills and abilities versus the person most likely your career will be based on. I can say I'm the John Pratts of Bloggers during my first bout with stardom but he's been irrelevant since Batang X and I'm pretty much still in medium prominence level. After all,this entry is a great Measurement in life to someone's kickassablity or the lack thereof.

Remember when they compared Robert Horry to Will Smith? This is the Avicii version of "Which NBA player are you?"

Carmelo Anthony is Sam Pinto
Melo's scoring can burn every fiber in our body which can cause hormone concerns especially if the Knicks are having double digit losing streak.Same as Sam Pinto's ability to increase our mouth's PH level into alarming levels any given night. Pick up lines aren't necessary.

Derrick Rose is Roxanne Guinoo
They're like the short flash of kilig that you feel every time you piss.The experience might be short but the memories burn longer--Which hurts the most.

Blake Griffin is Marian Rivera
Let's admit.Each dunk and Magazine covers makes you feel something warm funny deep in your tenderloins.Nobody really cared about their long term value not until they went fringe lunatic on everybody. Now, they're like a breathing centerfold and Youtube hit. We watch Marian's aggressiveness and not worry about anything. While watching Blake's aggressiveness sometimes makes me constantly worried about his nuts careening out of his shorts.

Kevin Love is Solenn Heusaff
One word to identify these two: Boards
The other one's racking up double digit boards on a nightly basis in Minnesota while the other's busy raising Billboards after Billboards in EDSA, SLEX and Waiting sheds.

Steph Curry is Kathryn Bernardo
Taking Steph is like dating one of Willie Revillame's Dancers. She's young, hot and liberated. Everyone thinks you're a heart throb for being next to her. For a few years everything is great. But when it's time to settle down, have kids and start a life, She's eyeing younger guys. Hardcore partying til morning , Changing all her social network passwords and barely looks at you. Leaving you in the dust the next time a good thing comes along. Oh wait! I mean, That's what will happen to Kathryn Bernardo when Daniel Padilla realize that he's worth a hundred chic in his lifetime.

Being used as an analogy with such coveted status feels like a refreshing ocean on the feet.
Stay tuned for the 2nd round of "Which NBA Local Actress are you?"

Tuesday, October 29, 2013


Good and Bad news. First, The bad news, My sister is watching "Showtime" while i'm writing this. The good news is, We're just a little less than 24 hours before The NBA tip- off. Last year, I started making my own NBA Predictions and i did it with maximum precision by nailing almost every category that made http://bingbongbingbongtheory.blogspot.com/2012/10/the-douchebag-2012-nba-season.html  Look like The Randy Jackson of NBA Predictions. Nevertheless, I'm hoping for a stronger year for hoops this season. Story lines are set, Some records will be broken, History will be re-written, Numerous DUIs, Divorce, Assault, Suspension and Players caught in a bar brawl crossfire will surely add a drop kick effect on us.

I would like to take this platform to dish out My 2013 NBA predictions with a serious Rick Carlisle look in my face.No more David Stern, No more Doug Collins and hopefully, No more serious injuries and I think I just saw a Ryan Bang close up on TV and definitely, not a good sign.

On to my Picks

Rookie of the Year:

Victor Oladipo

Numerous experts like what they saw this pre season that made him the favorite to win it this year. The draft class this year is not even close to K-Pop cohesiveness Rather, I would like to compare this class to a poorman's Chicser and it's Cody Zeller's fault.I would like to call him Victor "Home" Ola-DEPOT obviously because he has all the tools to re-decorate the Magic's Abandoned-Old-Hotel-Look and turn it into a Decent-But-Not-Yet-Classy Mahal Kita Drive Inn.

                                         He might look like a happy Akon but it really don't matter no.

Runner up: Ben McLemore

Defensive Player of the Year:

LeBron James

Last Year, Nobody saw Marc Gasol winning this one like a chase down block on the universe. So this year, I'm going to pick the obvious. He's going to win another MVP so why can't he do an and-1 in the process? We all saw LBJ's defensive evolution the past few years. He's getting much more Impulsive on defense just like how you swipe your master card on a 3 Day sale at Megamall. I don't see Dwight Howard getting back close to his defensive shape anytime soon and I'm certain that the sudden addition of easy shot blocking in video games are inspired by LBJ's aggressiveness on defense. Like a squatter being thrown out of their land kind of aggression.

Runner up: Tony Allen

Sixth Man of the Year:

Harrison Barnes

With all eyes on Steph and Klay like naked women on a men's Mag, Harrison Barnes doesn't get that much fanfare. I'm giving him a full page for his much deserved attention-not naked though. We've all seen his playoffs performance but we've never seen Barnes in his peak form and this year would be the stretch that Mark Jackson and the whole Bay Area is waiting to see. I'm irrationally confident that the Black Condor will show us his spread.No pun.


Runner up: J.R. Smith

Most Improved Player:

Jonas Valanciunas

The potential of an unhappy Lithuanian scared me off a little. You can't win the MIP if you didn't improve and the Summer League MVP is not to be shrugged off. Adding up muscle in the off season just proves that He'll be on a mission this year to show us that he's not just another "Jonas".

Runner up: Kawhi Leonard

Coach of the Year:

Doc Rivers

The End of "Lob City" as what they call it. With Doc, The Clippers will finally have this borderline great deep playoff team. We all have to think that he's a former Celtic coach and now he's Running the other LA team on the same building. Remember when Pau Gasol Pissed off Chris Paul when he tapped his head like his own son? Doc rivers will treat the Lakers like Kris Aquino's Son, Josh--They Will never ever get out of the Clippers shadow for a very long time.

Runner up: Jason Kidd

Most Valuable Player:

LeBron James

Barring voter's fatigue, He's on his way for a 5th MVP in 6 Seasons. He already reached this almost embarrassing level of greatness that nobody ever thought of.I'm not even wary of his MVP-Mongering because He's really that great! Picking him is a No-Brainer. It's not as complicated as choosing for a "50 Shades of Grey" Actor or Choosing your WeChat profile photo or which mistress to mistress. If you drink only when LBJ doesn't win an MVP award, that would be a good 1st step toward sobriety.

Runner up: Kevin Durant

Custom Awards:

First player who would likely to drop 50:

Stephen Curry

The 54- Point Jack off in MSG last Season will not be his Last. Also this is the debut of the non-high-five-high-five.

Runner up: James Harden

First player who would likely to record a triple double:

Rajon Rondo

Last Year, I picked Rajon Rondo for this one but Andre Drummond butchered it for me. Now He'll be back as healthy as ever and looking forward to hijack the Triple Double Section in ESPN Stats.

Runner up: LeBron James

Disgruntled, talented player who will be likely get traded mid-season:

Luol Deng

He has been stuck in the Basketball purgatory for so long since Byron Mullens was stuck in Charlotte. He Has to push the panic button midway through the season and ask to be traded somewhere else not with the Lakers. Or else, He'll Look like Mark Escueta and his bizarre attachment with Rivermaya.

Runner up: Everybody in Utah Jazz

Comeback player we're all excited to see:

Derrick Rose

We never had this kind of comeback anticipation since Maui Taylor's return to the Viva Hot Babes recently. Let's not forget the Basketball tragedy he encountered two years ago that forced him to miss all of last season and we all miss him. the kind of miss that we want to give our Monitors/TV/LEDs/Smart Phones a long, meaningful genitals-to-genitals hug as soon as he hit the floor against Miami. Now tell me, when will Ellen Adarna make a goddamn comeback?

Runner up: Kobe Bryant

Player who will make an impact on his new team:

Toss Up between Josh Smith And Brandon Jennings

I have a feeling that Joe Dumars checks the suggestion box inside his office after an atrocious Ben Gordon 3. I have a feeling that Charlie Villanueva can Out-Brick an atrocious Ben Gordon 3 without batting an eyelash. Actually,I'm not sure if he has eyelashes.I have a feeling that Josh Smith and Brandon Jennings has the type of leverage that you feel like you want to take a whole Andok's Chicken home, but your wife has already started cooking Igado.Since your wife made it, You'd still eat it, Right? That's the kind of Leverage these two players will give to Detroit whether they're Andok's or Igado on any given night.

Runner up: Andre Igoudala

Coach who will probably get the first axe:

Mike D' Antoni

Mike Brown was Sneak-Fired last year 5 games into the season and I'm banking on another Laker coach firing this year. Let's face it, Every Laker fan out there still want Phil Jackson to come back and make one last run with Kobe.Imagine in June, Kobe and Phil in the middle of the court hugging each other for one last damn time and a ecstatic Adam silver handing them the O' Brien trophy.  It's already giving me goosebumps just by thinking about this Juicy basketball subplot. Only Vinny Del Negro can single handedly prevent this from happening.

Runner up: Jeff hornacek

Team who will likely win the Andrew Wiggins Sweeptakes:

Philadelphia 76ers

There has never been an obvious and shameful tanking like this since the LeBron Draft. The Deepest Draft since 1996 and possibly 2004, Teams are playing correct minus wrong kind of strategy to bag more pin pong balls come next year's lottery night. Wiggins is the closest thing to a Kobe and T-mac hybrid. He's the basketball version of Shaina and Jessy Mendiola gift wrapped into one and the 2014 NBA draft is the Basketball version of Star Magic Ball. Who doesn't want these gift bags from the basketball gods? Sorry, Suns Fans, Y'all probably bound to draft an Unkown Senegalese Player next year.

Runner Up: Boston Celtics

How many wins will the Miami Heat record during another winning streak?


How many games Greg Oden will play this season?


Scoring Champion:

Kevin Durant

The Cup size won't change even The Angel Locsin of Scoring just recently separated with Phil Younghusband.

Runner up: Carmelo Anthony

Western conference Darkhorse:

New Orleans Pelicans

There's just this weird feeling of excitement in me for them this season. That's It.

Longshot but not impossible: Portland Trailblazers

Eastern conference Darkhorse:

Cleveland Cavaliers

I realized, I'm more excited for the Cavs than the Pelicans. My bad.

Final Pick:

Miami Heat Vs Los Angeles Lakers

Let's do this again. Nick Young is the obvious kill joy in this one but I'm not going to let him stop the most intriguing storyline waiting to happen coming this June. To be honest, Their chances to face off in the finals is slimmer than John Wayne Sace's teen age self. But, the sports fan in me is telling me to try this one more time. If there's really a Basketball God, He'd read this Blog entry and share it with the Basketball fairies and make a holy union of Basketball Prayer and Wish. So please Baskteball Gods and Fairies, Let's have a LeBron-Kobe Finals before it's too late.
There's no such thing as a Basketball Contraceptive.

Thursday, November 1, 2012


 Everybody loves predictions.whether it's comedic, some random flash of brilliance or we're just acting like we're going to have a lick of celebrity status on gatherings, meet ups and hang outs with friends Everytime something that we predicted actually happened.we feel good about it, right? like, we own everybody in the room and on that moment, nobody wanted to actually mess with us even for 5 minutes. suddenly, you feel invincible and immune to ridicule. they can't even talk about how bad you smell or how ugly the woman you're dating.I'm telling you, that's how powerful on-the-money. predictions can be.

That's exactly what I'm trying to do right now.after all, I'm a prediction extremist--- everyday i can predict how many extra rice i can order every lunch time and i turned out a little out of shape and I'm doing this to predict my way to shape as the season goes.
since we're only a few days away from the NBA tip-off, it would be nice to dish out some of my  predictions with an enclosed "i-told-you-so" prefix on each and every category. to make things a little interesting, i added up some custom categories just to give this article another layer.
to my reader(s), i encourage you to take notes and score at home. feel free to capture a screen shot and emotionally black mail me if ever i recorded a triple double of wrong predictions after wrong predictions after wrong predictions.

so here are my picks:

Rookie of the year:

Michael Kidd-Gilchrist

'12 draft class' a talented bunch and as much as i want to take Dion waters and Austin rivers just for sentimental TLC reference sake, i think MKG's a strong pick for this award.he played sparingly in the summer league not until an injury sidelined him but on that span, he already displayed flash of his NBA-ready skills that we're all aware he's capable of since college. if he showed up and the way we expect him to,he's got a great chance to carry the bobcats from 7-59 to 8-59.

Runner up: Anthony Davis

Defensive player of the year:

Dwight Howard

Okay, let's just rename it the D12 defensive player of the year award and put his smiley face on the trophy already.there's no chance in hell that he's not winning it this season. Dwight letting go of the DPOY is like feeling your neighbor's daughter's boobs and not wanting to see her again the next night-- there's always a 1:1 ratio probability that you're holding onto it a little longer the next time at bat.

Runner up: Tyson chandler

Sixth man of the year:

J.R. Smith

Originally, i had harden on my original draft but Sam Presti screwed this pick for me.James Harden's a mortal lock to win it this year but he got Back-doored and there's no way he's going to come off the bench this season so in default, I'll go with J.R. Smith which everything about him screams "sixth man" . the Knicks are the oldest team in the league and J.R.'s an explosive scorer who's dependable on a great point guard. they got Felton back and added Kidd on the fold so expect his production go up and help the Knicks run this year now that amar'e's on his annual 6-8 weeks mandatory leave.

Runner up: Jason terry

Most improved player:

Paul George

Who doesn't want to root for a guy with great two first names? if you got a chance to pick a guy who can complete a 360 windmill dunk in the dark, you have to do it.this guy gives me headaches every time my created player plays against the pacers in NBA 2k13 where i get dunked on most of the time. he was selected on the NBA all rookie 2nd team last season and expect him to up the ante this year. who knows, he might be chosen on the all rookie first team this year.

Runner up: Evan turner

Coach of the year:

Doug Collins

I'm here for the shock value and I'm actually praying to everything that's holy that this actually happens or else I'll develop an annoying texting habit. I'm over looking the rest of the league without any apparent reason but i got a gut feeling about this so I'm sticking with my pick and y'all can kiss my inappropriate body part.

Runner up: Frank Vogel

Most Valuable Player:

LeBron James

this year's MVP might be pretty obvious but for fun's sake,let's assess other possible candidates and allow me to use this analogy...

LBJ's the anne curtis of MVPs--he's too damn good to pass. it's like passing on her every time a movie about secret affairs and adultery comes around.actually, i don't have to waste another sentence to explain this pick/analogy.

Chris Paul is Kim chiu-- great point guards are like great women -- you remember every one that crossed your path over the years.just like a real true  point guard, he also makes everybody around him better.
Kim Chiu's Gerald Anderson is to Chris Paul's Tyson Chandler, they made each other better actually. after their respective break ups, they managed to make it on their own.Gerald actually became a household name out of Kim's shadow just like what Tyson chandler did in Dallas and even winning a ring and a DPOY award. Kim chiu's xian lim is chris paul's blake griffin, who else can make blake better but a point guard of CP3's caliber. so when chris paul went to the clippers, everybody got excited. it's like seeing SM mall asia for the first time. xian lim became a legit main man when he got paired with kim chiu and sending teeners and bored housewives into full-scale pandemonium everytime their lips touch on TV--just like when chris paul sets up blake for an orgasmic punch in the rim.

Kevin Durant is Angel Locsin-- his scoring compensates her cup size.

Runner ups: Kevin Durant, Chris Paul

Custom Awards:

First player who would likely to drop 50:

Monta ellis

Another classic case of good stats on a bad team guy. nobody on Milwaukee other than Brandon Jennings can score so this is an easy choice.

Runner up: Brandon Jennings

First player who would likely to record a triple double:

Rajon rondo

upon learning about rumors of an impending trade last year, he dropped an eff-you 18 points, 17 rebounds, 20 assists game against the Knicks. ESPN should start a rondo trade rumor the eve of their opener this season to lit a fire right under his ass.
Runner up: LeBron james

Disgruntled, talented player who will be likely get traded mid-season:
Josh smith

alright, this might be a Longshot but I'm still looking forward to it. it all depends on how the hawks will perform on the first 2 months of the season and how good Devin Harris would fit on the team. a pissed-off josh smith on a new team is a hella scary sight so let's keep our eyes on this before he decks Pachulia while watching at the Jumbotron during a timeout.

Runner up: Al Jefferson

Comeback player we're all excited to see
Brandon Roy

We're all feeling for derrick rose when he tore his ACL on the first round of last year's playoffs. since then, it's known that he's working his butt-off to return fully healed this season. he even got the media rallying behind him and started filming his road to recovery and cried once on a shoe launch. but people, let's not forget about Brandon Roy. he's been forced to retire last year because of defective knees and the whole basketball world thought he's done. but the competitive that he is, he has defied the odds by attempting a comeback this year. we're all suckers for a feel good story whether we admit it or not and we'll see if this comeback's going to go up there along with grant hill and a skinny Jonah hill who doesn't look like he ate Seth Rogen anymore .

Runner up: derrick rose

Player who will make an impact on his new team

Andre Igoudala

I'm expecting Iggy to reach a certain level of proficiency now that he's got a new team. we all know what he's capable of.fresh off his team USA stint this summer and working with the greats,he already get this great upside potential to the phrase "great upside potential". only Javale Mcgee can stop this guy on a fast break--and they're team mates.

Runner up: O.J. Mayo

Coach who will probably get the first axe
Scott Skiles

Let's face it, he can't turn the ship in Milwaukee.he never can. we can't blame him and I'm already getting depressed just by typing this.
Runner up: siot tanquincen

Western conference Darkhorse
Minnesota Timberwolves

whatever. all i know is it's pretty cool to think that they can have an all-white starting five. are we expecting them to crack the last playoff spot this season? i'd say yes. a fully healed and a very- Likeable-Looking-Less-Like-A-Jonas-Brother Ricky Rubio + Alexey Shved = a very dangerous boy band duo material.

Longshot but not impossible: golden state warriors

Eastern conference Darkhorse

Indiana Pacers

I actually picked them last year and I'm still picking them this year.do you you even realize that they gave the heat a scare in the playoffs? man, and they're also pretty loaded this season. they added D.J. Augustin, Gerald green and still trying to talk Jeff foster out of retirement. it's given that the heat will own the east but I'm counting on the pacers to push them off the ropes a little bit. good, solid team.i like this pick.
Longshot but not impossible: Washington wizards

Final pick:

Miami heat over Los angeles lakers

Kobe vs LeBron, Chris Bosh vs Pau Gasol, Juwan Howard's cadaver vs Dwight Howard, Ray Allen vs Antawn Jamison, Mario Chalmers vs Jodie Meeks, Dwyane Wade vs Steve Blake, Steve Nash vs his barber, Metta world peace vs his twitter followers on a classic 7 game finals.who doesn't want that?! this is already enough of a basketball boner.